I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
