There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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