Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
