Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
