apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
