she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
