Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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