Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
