did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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