How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
