if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
