the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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