You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
