I'm gonna have a badass scar
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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