I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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