I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
