Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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