So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
