you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
