my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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