why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
