If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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