fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize