I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
