Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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