somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
