So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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