You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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