Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
