Christians are straight up FREAKS
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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