my phone needs a breathalizer
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
