I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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