This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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