Can i not drive my cunt home
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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