I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
is it fun? or sober?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
