Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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