and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
