Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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