Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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