If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
