I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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