I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
