he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
