My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Pants are for mortals
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
