are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
