KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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