That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
