We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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