I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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