new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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