you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize