sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
