3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
