2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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