I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
they're like a gay fantastic four
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
