My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
