i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
