Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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