I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
