Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
