The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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