Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
