We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
