i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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