I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
