She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
