dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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