Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
