Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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