Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
