Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
