Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
