of course. lets lasso hookers.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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