i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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