On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
