Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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