He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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