I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
