I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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