he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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