Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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